12 characters we’ve missed from our local pubs
Every pub’s got them, and strangely, we’ve really missed them…
Post sponsored by
The great British pub. They stayed open during world wars and the plague, but coronavirus has kept them shut for the majority of the past year. That’s one of the reasons there’s been jubilation and celebration, come rain or shine, over the last few weeks, as things are finally starting to open up again. Although the role of the pub might have changed over the years, it still very much feels like a British institution.
And every pub has its pub characters. Some may be strange, some a little odd, but we’ve deeply missed each and every one. Our friends at Pub Wars have helped us spot the 12 characters we’ve missed the most.
This one’s your typical hipster (aka hopster, aka hophead) who is ‘craft beer only, yah’. They’re solely to blame for American IPAs now being so incredibly hopped they’re unpalatable to anyone other than them. In a pub, they’ll tell you exactly which beers they discovered before it was cool, maybe get a half of Stella ‘to be ironic’, or be annoyed the pub doesn’t stock their favourite ‘breakfast maple bacon milkshake stout’ from that tiny craft brewery on that remote island in the Pacific.
The connoisseur aka the beer nerd
Similar but different to your hopster, this one’s your serious beer nerd. Order something they don’t approve of – 'you’re drinking something… fizzy?' – and you’ll feel their sneer from 20 yards away. If it ain’t a traditional real ale served from a cask between 12-14 degrees Celsius precisely, they ain’t interested. After taking one foot inside the pub, they’ll be asking ‘what’s on cask?’, and may have even brought their own glass with them (why take the risk that the pub won’t have cleaned theirs properly, hey?!).
The 'it's always gin o'clock somewhere' person
A relatively recent stereotype addition thanks to the crazy growth of all things gin. This person will either be furious the pub only stocks Gordon’s (and maybe Bombay Sapphire to keep things interesting), will rage at the prospect of not being served their G+T in a balloon glass, or will spend a good 10 minutes going through the pub’s extensive gin selection – before settling on the fruitiest, pinkest, glitteriest one on the list.
The 'SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS' should-probably-be-in-a-bar person
Everyone’s in the pub, having a lovely time, enjoying their drinks… when a group comes in, yells something incoherent about 'THE LADZ ARE ON TOUR', before asking the poor bartender to line up the Mexican Blowjobs, Cement Mixers and Voddy Redbulls. They’re lairy, they’re messy, no-one wants them in the local pub, and they should be immediately banished to the nearest dodgy club.
The stood at the bar staring into the distance with a pint person
What are they thinking? While everyone gets more irate at the fact they’re taking up precious bar space while staring wistfully off into the distance, they remain stalwart, unaware. The only things they’re focusing on are their beer, possibly the daily news, oh, and the meaning of life and the universe.
The ‘dry white wine’ person
This one knows what they want… and they want… a dry white wine. If they’re having a particularly adventurous day, they might confidently ask for… a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Tres exotique.
The same seat person
This one loves sitting in the same place, will always wait for their table/booth/spot at the bar, always gets the same drink and will get angry if anyone else is sat there.
The ‘where’s next?’ person
Always asking where the next watering hole is, and what’s the plan. Never seems happy with just staying still for five minutes and enjoying the current spot. Will want to move on as soon as they’re in the next location – even if that’s the middle of nowhere with no pubs for miles around.
The Rules/Pub Golf person
*Sigh* There’s always that one person who tries to organise some sort of game, and typically gets angry when people just want to have a drink of their choosing. Often wears a costume and will even be found planning for months just for a quick drink on a Wednesday after work.
The Drink Judge
Pulls a face or asks questions about whatever beverage you choose. Typically engages the very busy bartender in a long debate about that time 25 years ago they once visited a brewery and how it really opened their eyes to a new world of drinking. Wouldn’t be seen dead with any drink that comes with a little umbrella.
The sports lover
If there’s a pub with a television, they want it on SPORTS. They don’t care which sports, any sports will do. Every time they’ll pick a side, a team, a player, and back them with their life. Expect loud cheering, angry booing, yelling at any sort of referee or umpire, and possibly some loud sobbing if things don’t go their way.
The v.serious quizzer
The quiz starts at 8pm but this person has got there early (we’re talking at least an hour, possibly two). They need their lucky spot, at their lucky table, with excellent proximity to both the bar and the facilities. Enough room to fit the team on, but not close enough to the next table to be overheard. They’ve got their lucky pen, and they brought spares for everyone else on their team. The team name has been finely honed over years of quizzing, they watch every single quiz show on TV (they may have even applied to be on one or two but were deemed ‘too smart’). They know every single song from 1941 through to 2021. How? No-one knows.
You might not think you can beat them, but as they say, if you can’t… join them. It’s not just the very serious quizzer who loves a quiz, we all do, and can’t wait to get back to them in an actual real pub.
Download Pub Wars, the pub quiz app which has free to play daily quizzes, and you can win cash prizes. Join your local pub’s team, and compete against other pubs in the weekly Saturday night tournament to win the progressive cash jackpot. The more people that enter, the bigger the prize.