7​ foods to avoid on a first date

A first-date survival guide. Thank me later.

1y ago

Picture this:

You're on a first date. You are nervous. Lynx has failed you; sweat cascades down your side. You can practically feel the cortisol pulsating through your body. Perspiration lines your forehead. You are desperate to make a good impression. The last thing you need is a cluttered menu with a gazillion possibilities.

However, fear not. My comprehensive list is here to help.

Here are 7 foods to avoid on a first date:

1​. Burgers

You like burgers. I like burgers. We all, emphatically, like burgers. Unfortunately, though, burgers do not like us. Undoubtedly the messiest food to eat, they are an absolute "no-go" on a first date.

C​redit: Jakub Kapusnak

C​redit: Jakub Kapusnak

2​. Spaghetti

Forget Disney's 'Lady and the Tramp'; in reality, there is nothing less romantic than a spaghetti share-bowl. Except perhaps an edible mankini.

3​. Soup

Is there anything more infuriatingly off-putting than someone slurping soup?

4​. Salad

You may be surprised to find that the answer to the aforementioned question is 'yes'--> someone with spinach caught between their chompers.

C​redit: Karolina Grabowska

C​redit: Karolina Grabowska

5. Curry

Do not try and be a hero. No matter how 'tough' you think you are, curry is almost certainly tougher. You cannot conquer that red-Thai curry without transforming into a dribbling mess.

6​. Mexican

Say what you like, quesadillas, tacos, nachos and even fajitas are all off the menu. Why? Two words: "Burrito belly". *Shudder*

C​redit: Jakub Kapusnak

C​redit: Jakub Kapusnak

7​. Garlic Bread

Unless you want to strip paint with your garlic breath, lay off the Italian delicacy. Enough said.

What then?

The answer is corn flakes. Without milk. Dry, small and easy to consume (not to mention filling), good ol' corn flakes really are the perfect first-date food.

Unless, of course, your accomplice has chewing misophonia*. In which case, you may have to settle for a classic combination of O2.

*a severe phobia of the sounds produced whilst masticating.

W​hat do you think? Get shouting in the comments below!

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Comments (19)

  • Between dates and food, I rather avoid dates. Fun article, Noah!

      1 year ago
  • BBQ ribs.

      1 year ago
  • I manage burgers okay, but then I eat them with a knife and fork on a date.

      1 year ago
    • You eat burgers with a knife and fork?! Oh , that's sacrilege...

        1 year ago
    • Eh, on a date, it saves making a mess. Also a good way to keep me from rushing through the meal, as I often will with a good burger.

        1 year ago
  • The first time i went for a meal with my OH, we went for pizza and it was so greesy it was pretty much running down our hands. Amazing

    Some years later, we survived it

      1 year ago
  • Bagna cauda

      1 year ago