Burger King is scared to show the British its chip butty
Travelling to the other side of the world was the only way to escape the UK’s rage.
If there is such a thing as a league table for the fries of international fast food chains I have the definitive results: KFC have by far and away the worst (they’re like trying to chew through a park bench), McDonald’s holds the honourable middle-ground spot and Burger King can sail away into the sunset with all the bling that comes with having the best fries around.
Burger King’s fries are soft and crunchy delicacies; a little on the expensive side perhaps, but the inevitable craving for more has far greater control over your bank balance than any greying and greedy financier ever could.
However, it is a fundamental risk that success can lead to arrogance and complacency. Sadly, Burger King has delved into such treacherous territory with the launch of its French fry sandwich.
Everybody (even three-headed monsters on the moons of Jupiter) knows that Britain is the home of chips sandwiched between two slices of bread. Call it what you will – bap, butty or barm – a guarantee to happiness in life is thick, dough-enshrouded fried potatoes dripping with butter.
Let’s be honest, it’s unlikely that Burger King’s thin and feeble fries could ever pull off the effect of a chip butty; which is probably why it decided to launch its attempt in New Zealand.
In fairness, it’s definitely a good thing that Brits can’t see Burger King’s chip sandwich because riots tend to have a stigma attached to them. It’s also put me off visiting New Zealand for life.