Burger King solves COVID-19 by using really big hats
It’s unbelievable that governments have still not introduced this brilliant idea.
As lockdowns begin to ease there is already a lot of talk about confusing things like “R” numbers and “contact tracing” and making sure that we aren’t all sent scurrying for cover again in the event of a re-emergence of rapid COVID-19 spread.
Obviously, this is a very complicated and critical subject that must be perfectly worked out to avoid further devastation. I would be more than happy to offer my own advice, but I don’t think that my opinions on chocolate would be particularly beneficial.
Thankfully, the human race does not have to rely on me. Nor does it have to put faith in brainy scientists and bumbling politicians. A new medical genius has entered the fold: Burger King.
Now, granted, Burger King’s love of giant, meaty burgers and salty fries is unlikely to have assisted good public health before, but a few trifling errors can surely all be forgotten about in light of the scientific breakthrough that the company has created. It has solved the coronavirus pandemic by making people wear big hats.
Technically, the hats are crowns – so not only do they protect people’s well-being they also bestow a huge amount of power and dignity. Someone should get one to Boris Johnson, quickly.
The company is using Germany to trial the use of two-metre-wide versions of its traditional cardboard crown. The idea is that people will physically be unable to get close to each other, so will easily be able to adhere to social distancing policies that reduce the charge of the virus.
This isn’t Burger King’s only effort to encourage social distancing. Recently, it outlined the importance of staying away from others by suggesting that people might not want to visit McDonald’s.
It truly is remarkable that no one thought to stop coronavirus by just rolling out the mandatory wearing of big hats. It’s certainly a less risky way of managing the virus than the idea proposed by Netflix’s Tiger King; big cats were never going to catch on.