Chickens launch attack during war against meat
This year’s Veganuary has taken on far more brutal proportions.
As we know, every January it becomes illegal to eat meat in response to the Veganuary campaign, which sets out every year to encourage people to indulge in a meat-free and totally vegan diet for a whole month.
Predictably, this concept is more popular with some than others; for many folks it’s a chance to showcase their holiness on social media, whereas for different people it’s an ideal opportunity to rave about snowflakes, political correctness and probably a host of crazy conspiracy theories involving robot animals and Jeff Bezos.
However, a number of inhabitants of Earth have taken the friendly vegan concept and turned it into a nightmare: chickens.
Although the wild beasts like to disarm people with their fluffiness, the clucking monsters have been anything but cute in the US state of New Jersey. Deploying their viscous beaks and lightning speed as devastating weapons, the cunning chickens have wreaked unprecedented destruction across the area.
The chaotic events unfolded last week at a branch of McDonald’s where the brazen birds were witnessed relentlessly chasing customers and letting down vehicle tyres. According to the Washington Township Police Department, two of the powerful poultry were detained by an Animal Control Officer who courageously battled throughout the day to regain control of the apocalyptic situation and managed to safely bring the terrifying siege to a safe conclusion.
A police statement speculated that the chickens’ motives may have related to McDonald’s announcement of three new chicken sandwiches, also adding that anyone who witnessed the appalling scenes should contact them to help identify the “fowl suspects”. Although very likely on standby, the National Guard was not mobilised.
Even though this tragic event clearly ruffled many feathers, it should come as a relief to us all that the chickens could only serve up a small coup. Heed my warning: their next stop will be Congress.