Dear Mr May: I did it
Gone is the past of meagre beans on toast; we now have BIMS ON TOAST
Heinz Bims, the pasta-shaped-James-May idea that I believed achievable, has been achieved. But through great trial and error.
That being said, I feel like I should have known it would be a challenge. From what I've learned from reputable sources online, is that "the first time you make homemade pasta, it will be terrible" - OH BOY they were right. It is a laborious process requiring patience and ruthless concentration - neither of which I possess.
Nevertheless, after 2 attempts in making half decent pasta dough, I thought I had it cracked. All I had to do was cut out a generous handful of Bims using the branding iron. Couldn't be easier, right? Wrong again.
Turns out handling tiny detailed pieces of dough is difficult, and if you're as clumsy as I am, half of them will end up looking like they have a dodgy Snapchat filter on them. In other words - deformed. Instead of killing myself over this, I decided to just cut out a load of squares, a bit similar to some miniature Ravioli; this made them look like small portraits, which worked quite well.
But after what seemed like an age of delicate handling, they were soon boiled and ready to eat. Surprisingly, most had retained their shape, which was a HUGE relief.
Soon after adding some bog-standard tomato pasta sauce, I became the first human being in history to have a plate of "Bims on Toast", with a bit of grated parmesan and black pepper
Were they good? Actually yes.
Alright, James. You're on the clock. You have to respond or I'm selling the whole idea to Heinz. Or Lidl.