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Don't Confuse Cookie Walks With Exercise

Even large Christmas Cookie Walks can be easily covered on a mobility scooter

43w ago

421

Are you baking-challenged? Do you not have hours to devote to wallowing in flour? Is it impossible for you to accurately measure ingredients? Is your oven sh*t? Are you just a lazy ass? But...you want to enjoy platters of tasty, varied Christmas cookies?

Do you have several friends? If so...great! Have a 'Christmas Cookie Exchange'! Decide among yourselves which one of you will make gingerbread men; which one of you will make sugar cookies, etc. That way, you can make a big batch of ONE cookie. Then, get together with your friends and parcel them out so that all of you have a nice variety platter of holiday treats!

I made the peanut butter kisses. They're pretty easy.

I made the peanut butter kisses. They're pretty easy.

But what if you have no friends? Or what if you absolutely can't even be bothered to whip up one solitary batch of one cookie? Well, America has an answer for you, too. You're just going to need a little cash, and you're going to have to pick yourself up and go to a Cookie Walk.

There is precious little actual 'walking' at a Christmas Cookie Walk

Based on the institutional-grade radiator covers and the liberal use of food coloring, this walk must be associated with a church

Based on the institutional-grade radiator covers and the liberal use of food coloring, this walk must be associated with a church

Even though I have lived for over a half-century in rural America, I don't recall any Cookie Walks until recently. When I first heard the term, I visualized people going from door to door in a neighborhood, like a House Walk. Instead of looking at decorations, you just ate cookies. But this is the land of the sedentary, thus no real physical exertion is required.

These days, schools, churches, even grocery stores set up several long tables, and pile them with platters of holiday yummies. You simply cruise by and grab whatever you want. They can choose to charge you by weight, or just charge you one fee for a bag or box which you can fill to your heart's content.

Thinking outside the box here: what's stopping you from just lifting an entire tray? Saves steps...

Thinking outside the box here: what's stopping you from just lifting an entire tray? Saves steps...

Then, you go home and arrange your cookie assortment nicely on a festive Christmas platter, wrap it with some plastic wrap. When you show up at your in-laws with your seemingly thoughtful display of your baking prowess, they will feel the true Love of the Season towards you. Their Grinch hearts will grow three sizes, and you might just get asked to carve the Roast Who Beast!

Um, y'all have seen the Grinch, right? Either you read the book, saw the original cartoon, or the gawd-awful Jim Carrey thing? Isn't there another one by Pixar or Illumination out, too?

Christmas Cookie Walks! Suitable even for the faint of heart! Would you go?

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Comments (1)

  • I was about to say 'they should have tongs' but then I noticed the gloves. Carry on.

      10 months ago
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