Gin creeps closer to ruling the world
The cosy lives of world leaders are being threatened by an unstoppably popular alcoholic drink.
Because I am absolutely in touch with modern ways and culture, I have just finished watching the 2011 series of Black Mirror, which outlined in superbly dramatic detail the possible dystopian effects of the human love of technology.
The management of the world and control of thoughts and minds by computers has long been seen as an inevitable occurrence, but there are plenty of cynics who deny that such dominance is taking place now. For one intoxicating reason, however, they are completely wrong: gin.
The popularity of gin has ballooned in the past few years and now kitchen shelves across the globe are creaking under the extraordinary weight of bottled gins from old time favourites and artisan distilleries. Every imaginable flavour, colour and smell has been bottled up and sold to obsessive enthusiasts who are forever desperate for ingenious new creations.
Companies have certainly cottoned on to this incessant fizz, so now gin is being infused (perhaps forced would be more accurate) into everything that’s ever been made. Earlier in the year, Tesco came out with some gin and rhubarb cupcakes; now, Asda has produced a pink gin cheesecake.
As should be expected, the actual taste of gin in the cheesecakes is supposed to be negligible, but they do at least boast fresh British cream and added raspberry flavour. The calorie intakes of delight come in packs of two that cost £2 each, so at least you won’t have to pay much for your disappointment. Of course, this isn’t the first time that Asda has developed a gin-flavoured cake; in March, the conglomerate fanfared the arrival of a giant Madeira sponge celebration cake that was sprinkled with gin for a mighty £12.
A similar theme has occurred with After Eight, which has now launched a gin and tonic variety to combine with its minty heritage. Boxes of the moreish treats have to be imported from Germany, so they’re currently being flogged for £3.99 each – which, ironically, would cause a need to have a gin and set off a ceaseless cycle of chaos.
Perhaps the most bonkers (and desperate) gin-related marketing ploy is Aldi’s range of gin candles, which have returned in three scents for £3.29 each. Vanilla, juniper and lime and raspberry, vanilla and coconut are the available options for those who want to have the temptation of consuming a gin permanently wafting through their home.
It’s hard to see what further evidence could be required to prove that gin is embarking on a sinister mission of global domination. It may not make a particularly action-packed TV series, but gin will soon be a ruling tyrant that we will all have to worship.
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Comments (4)
I'm happy if Gin is king, as long as Tonic isn't queen.