How cheap food can guarantee eternal happiness
Perfection is a bag of reduced price doughnuts.
There is no shame in craving an occasional need for bad food. Whether it be sugar-packed chocolate or chips dripping with waterfalls of fried grease, being bad can often be good.
Regardless of the fact that if Jamie Oliver was reading this he'd likely have just exploded, that naughty part of the brain has got to be caressed from time to time (it probably has a scientific name, but the naughty part of my brain is in a rebellious mode at the moment).
The brain's angelic side emits clear instructions that celery is the only acceptable food to eat, but naughtiness can interfere with an insatiable need to devour an entire bag of five custard doughnuts from the Co-op.
It can't really be blamed when just 37p enables the satisfaction of so many glorious bundles of soft, sugary bread and thick, gloopy custard filling. The smell alone was worth the cost, filling my nostrils with the smell of a bakery in full flow, despite the reduce-to-clear price tag.
Co-op's custard doughnuts
All of the doughnuts were smothered in expansive layers of sugar, each bite being flooded with the deep enrichment of custard and fluffy dough. The threat of an intense feeling of sickness after throwing all of the doughnuts down my stomach one after another was immense, but the risk was definitely worth it. No experience could ever be more pleasurable. Nothing at all.
The impressive quality of the doughnuts was beyond dispute, prompting the issue of why they were reduced in price and considered to be a substandard product.
Sure, their best before date was the day that I bought them, but they would have been just as delicious the following day. Food isn't gifted with portable Grandfather clocks.
If it wasn't for my selflessness (greed) the doughnuts would have been confined to a premature grave, meeting many other highly edible ingredients in the coffin of the eternal black bag no doubt. With surging food waste such an obscene problem, perhaps the relative longevity of substances laced with sugar should be taken into account before chucking out highly delicious grub.
(I am aiming to write at least one food review a week throughout 2021 in support of The Trussell Trust, a UK charity that fights food poverty by supporting community food banks and campaigning for national change: justgiving.com/FoodWriting).