- Here in the Land of Efficient Food, one doesn't need to visit two establishments if one wants Extra Crispy chicken and Double Stuffed burritos

In the States, Yum! is not just an exclamation

Pictures and words about the most creative fast food company on Earth

39w ago

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There's a saying in the technical world: "Cheap, Fast, Good. We can absolutely give you two of these things, your choice. Can't be certain on that last one, though".

Most likely, to you, 'take out' means cheap, fast food which at times can taste good. That much is true here, too. It is also likely that your take out purveyor of choice does not often add items to their menus, and if they did, it is usually either: a recipe from home that they just learned to make; or possibly an item a competitor makes in an attempt to take their business.

That just ain't true in America, though. It's like a bunch of Third-tier MBAs only paid attention in Marketing class on the day they discussed 'product-line extension'. Almost without exception, all fast food companies add new items monthly. Most of them are ridiculous.

Pictured: a bunch of stuff that shouldn't exist, but does

Pictured: a bunch of stuff that shouldn't exist, but does

Weird and wacky things fast food companies do here

Burger King sells 'Pretzel Chicken Fries'. Jack in the Box will make you 'Sauced and Loaded Chorizo Fries'. Arby's has 'Greek Chicken Gyros'. McDonald's, of which I have a small amount of personal knowledge about, tries every year to create some sort of burger dressed with lettuce, tomato, onion & mayo that isn't truly awful. 25 years of repeated food fail, and yet they keep at it. Depending on market, you can order lobster rolls, pizza, bratwurst, or biscuits & gravy under the Golden Arches. Bich, no! One of these days I will write all about How I Would Save McDonald's. It's not what they deserve, but it's what they'll get.

The most creative food company on Earth. Ya gotta respect that.

The most creative food company on Earth. Ya gotta respect that.

The true King of Fast Food Innovation

The weirdest and wackiest items come from the kitchens of the Yum! Brands, Inc. of Louisville, KY. Yum! was once part of PepsiCo, the perennial second place American soft drink company that has always been, um, thirsty for market share. Thus, extreme innovation has always been part of the Yum! DNA. The largest chains under their umbrella include Taco Bell, Pizza Hut & KFC.

Now, recently I got all over Olive Garden for piling food on top of food, and they're greenhorns compared to Yum! The Yum! business model seems to be to acquire a floundering chain, then infuse the menus with items few have even dreamed about. Ordering off of their menu, whether it be drive-thru, inside or online requires 20/10 vision, a 'B' or better in College Calculus I & II, and Excel 2013 or later:

Note: the picture is NOT blurry. That's just your eyeballs' natural defense against visual overload

Note: the picture is NOT blurry. That's just your eyeballs' natural defense against visual overload

Based on every statement I have made thus far on FoodTribe, I should despise all the Yum! brands, and yet. I completely respect the hustle. So does America. We've come to count on Yum! to introduce us to food that we didn't know we wanted, needed, or liked. Entirely off the top of my head, I shall recite out-of-the-ordinary menu items from Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and KFC:

KFC Flavor Bowl (mashed potatoes & gravy covered with corn, cheese, chicken and more gravy), Doritos Loco Taco (a taco with a shell made out of Doritos Spicy Nacho chip material), Cheese Nugget Crust pizza (a pizza with a crust formed out of mozzarella cheese baked inside of pizza dough nuggets), Double Stuft Taco (a hard shell taco enclosed within a soft tortilla and adhered together with melted cheese), and my personal favorites, the Crunchwrap Supreme, the Naked Chicken Chalupa, and the KFC Double Down.

The (un)holy trinity of Yum! Brands

The Taco Bell Triple Crunchwrap Supreme.

The Taco Bell Triple Crunchwrap Supreme.

This is probably the tidiest way to eat one, two or three tacos, simultaneously. Each individual taco is separated by a crunch tostada, then enveloped in a giant tortilla shell. I actually do like these.

The Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa

The Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa

The chalupa is apparently a folded Mexican sandwich made with a shell more resembling pita bread or naan than a tortilla. (If you are Mexican and can verify/disprove, please do). Here, Taco Bell simply replaced the chalupa shell for one made from fried chicken. See your Taco Bell/KFC synergy in action!

The infamous KFC Double Down

The infamous KFC Double Down

All this leads us to the single most exorbitant sandwich ever invented in our Lord's dominion. Yes, there are larger, more caloric, gluttonous sandwiches. But most if not all of them were based on a reasonable base. A Quadruple Bypass burger has as its foundation the simple hamburger (and grilled cheese sandwiches) but let's not get bogged down by whooo's fatter than who.

This is a gatdam bacon, cheese and mayo sandwich with two pieces of fried breast meat chicken serving as the bun. I can only imagine the moment in the Yum! R&D Test Kitchen when this, this ANOMALY of nature was first conceived. Certainly the chefs felt as if they had just walked on the surface of the moon. There had to be ugly happy crying.

The Googles suggest that the DD is available in the UK. Yes, but can you pull together your dignity and order a Triple Down? A Quadruple Down?

At the lower right, you are encouraged to order a thing with 8 chicken patties, seven slices of processed cheese food, and twenty one (21) strips of bacon.

At the lower right, you are encouraged to order a thing with 8 chicken patties, seven slices of processed cheese food, and twenty one (21) strips of bacon.

I am certain in the Book of Revelations, Chapter 19 or so, it mentions the Octuple Down.

You gotta love Yum! Tell us why or why not in the comments below:

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