- Mushroom tea -via GreenZeb, Wikimedia.org and creativecommons.org

Man grows magic mushrooms in his arm

Urban farming taken to a whole new level.

5w ago

The world is running out of room. Very soon there will be so many people, roads and KFCs that we’ll have to start evacuating to Mars. If I end up as a spacecraft pilot I’ll inevitably take a wrong turn and land on the sun.

We all need to start preparing for this eventuality. It’s time to buy a spacesuit off Boohoo, stockpile delicious Lindt chocolate and smuggle in vastly unnecessary quantities of gin.

Growing things out of our arms is probably a tad too dramatic; but, in spite of the obvious dangers, that didn’t stop an unnamed 30-year-old man from trying.

Having brewed a delicious blend of magic mushroom tea (is that what they drink on breakfast TV?), the adventurous male chose to inject the, er, herbal remedy directly into his veins.

The resulting catastrophe was somewhat predictable. The man began to display symptoms that included jaundice, nausea, diarrhoea and lethargy, resulting in him being hospitalised and receiving long-term treatment for bacterial and fungal infections in the blood. All things considered, a mug of Tetley and a few Hobnobs would possibly have been more enjoyable.

Doctors discovered that the same species of fungus the man injected was present in his blood, leading them to conclude that the mushrooms had started to feed off his body and grow within him. I can’t recall anything so terrifying ever being investigated by Scooby Doo.

Given the evidenced risks of having an entire farmyard growing out of your arm, injecting random stuff into your body probably isn’t the best decision you could ever make. I can’t see Jamie Oliver releasing a mushroom-in-arm recipe anytime soon.

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Comments (2)

  • Google the news story about the man who had mushrooms growing on organs throughout his body. He was not aware that psychedelic mushrooms are eaten or brewed, he brewed them and from there they went into his blood stream. Probably fallout from having 4 years of Trump, he’s brought us down so low into the muck of the universe.

      1 month ago
  • I am awarding you the Pulitzer Award for your wonderfully written articles!

      1 month ago