Man's ears explode after eating spicy noodles
The diagnosis was confirmed by the most upstanding of medical experts: a Google search.
One of the seemingly incessant oddities of the hated 2020 was the random appearance of suspicious packets of seeds on doorsteps across the globe. Sent from unknown locations in China, warnings were issued that the seeds should not be planted or eaten – so, no prizes for guessing what everyone did. I’m sure the inevitable side effects were delightful.
Nobody knows what the seeds are, but people have been planting them anyway
Learning from past mistakes is not something that the human race is particularly good at, a point proved by Reemul Balla, a London-based writer. His charge of glory into 2021 involved the purchase of some distinctly spicy noodles that will probably very shortly be shown off by North Korea as a new weapon.
The nightmare noodles in question were bought from a South Korean food producer in a distant corner of the internet, which really should have produced an immediate red flag. However, determined to showcase to the world his newfound delight – and undoubtedly nothing at all to do with harvesting social media likes – Balla persevered with his efforts.
It was perhaps at the point when “lava trickled down into my stomach” that Balla realised he may have ventured too far into the pit of unknown. The flooding fire of the Samyang Korean Spicy Noodles was described by the writer as an “inferno” that caused his throat to seal up and teeth to go numb. Sounds like an average hangover to me.
Despite the devastation caused by only one mouthful, Balla devoured half of the terrifying noodles regardless. But a seismic pain in his ear the following morning told him that his battle with the Korean killers was far from over.
The brutal attack launched by the Asian assassins had made him deaf in one ear. As a result, Balla had to call on the most experienced of medical boffins: Google. Searching his symptoms, he discovered that the chilli had weakened the mucous membranes in his ears and throat, causing blockages.
Fortunately, after a couple of days’ rest, Balla made a full recovery. Discussing his ordeal, he commented: “I definitely know my limit now. If you wish to try these noodles of death you can find them online, but do so at your peril.”
Personally, I can’t wait for the gripping three-part Netflix documentary, ‘Noodles of Deaf’. It would make Stranger Things look like an episode of the Teletubbies.