My Trip to Diddly Squat
Is Clarkson's farm shop all it's cracked up to be?
I first heard about Jeremy's farm shop via his Instagram post :
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I originally thought it was a joke, and then thought 'That looks like a mess that Clarkson thought he could pull off'. Then I thought nothing more of it due to the global pandemic. It was only about 12 months ago when DriveTribe and FoodTribe started promoting the shop that it caught my interest. Especially when it had queues that looked like this:
Photo: Gloucestershire Live
I still didn't go though, because of the long journey and the, at the time, limited stock.
Why we eventually went
Clarkson's Farm. The rest of the family loved it so we decided to drive to the shop, which, in fairness wasn't too far away. Not even an hour.
The first noticeable factor was that people were queueing. A serious amount. Similar to the number in the photo. There was a sign in the car park that said the wait time to get into the shop itself was 3 hours, and the time for the pop-up shop/gazebo was 1 hour.
We decided not to wait, and instead went around the back into what was once the lambing barn.
When it was the Lambing barn.
Instead of new-born sheep there was picnic tables, a bar, a food hut and yet more queues. BUT, the food did smell and look amazing. As well as these, the centrepiece was Clarkson's TGT Colombia Special Jeep Wrangler, containing a considerable amount of hay and farm crap. But it was great. People were climbing in and out of it, myself included, although I did accidentally hit someone's drink with the door.
The shop itself
We eventually joined the queue for the shop, which was only allowing 3 households inside at once. Towards the front of the queue we lined up along side the back of the lambing barn, where Jeremy had written facts about things around the farm.
After a solid hour of queuing, we came to the door of the shop, which was peppered with price lists and notices explaining that certain things were out of stock (including 'Smells like my b*llocks' candles, saddening), which was probably because we went so close to closing time. In the end, we purchased a milk bottle, a tote bag, 3 bags of fudge and some of Clarkson's coffee, which came to a surprising £40. We seem to have got off lightly, however, as the family in front of us bought 4 T-shirts for £88.
On the 'Today:...' board outside the shop Clarkson advertised his new 'Diddly Squat Farm Gin in a Tin' which comes in two flavours: Juniper beetroot, apple and dill and Marris otter malt coriander seed fuggles hops. The second one sounds particularly, ah, interesting.
A few, miscellaneous notes
I did see Kaleb! He drove past in his truck whilst looking into the carpark, probably in shock due to the number of people.
There are 4 toilets, although I don't think there are any disabled facilities.
Don't bother queuing if you're not then going to buy something.
4 stars. queues weren't too bad but it was a bit overpriced.
Thanks for allowing me to waste your time with this!