My unholy breakfast burrito abomination

Today I learned what regrets taste like!

5w ago


Cheesy eggs, sausage patties, hash brown patties, and French toast with powdered sugar, all on one big tortilla. That's what they served me this morning. With no other thoughts of what to do with this, I formed it all into one big breakfast burrito.

It started out okay... The sweetness of the toast was a quirky and novel little dose of silliness to an otherwise pretty ordinary breakfast. The first third or so of the burrito was fine. But as the burrito from hell grew ever smaller and my belly ever fuller, the sweetness took on a dark and aggressive attitude. It was as if it had started a war with the other flavors, and my taste buds and stomach were caught in the crossfire. Like a comedian angry at a tough audience, it had lost its humor and grown violent.

By now you're probably wondering why I didn't just throw it away. That certainly would've been the sensible choice. But alas, my fatal flaw is that I can never waste anything. I had made my bed and I was eating it. Err, made my burrito and was sleeping in... whatever, you get the idea. I soldiered on. This burrito was a challenge and to stop eating would be admitting defeat, so I just kept eating, no matter how bad it got. By the last third of this malevolent wrap, it had ceased to taste like food, and the only flavor I could now discern was that of regrets. Sweet, sweet, sickening regrets.

But after what felt like an hour, it was finally finished. I had vanquished my enemy, but at what cost? Why do I do these things to myself? They say men create their own demons, but is eating them really necessary? Is my pride really worth this misery? I've gone through this pattern many times before... The problem is not the burrito, the problem is me. My determination will be better spent on other things. Goodbye Burrito From The Black Lagoon, I don't need to waste my time with your kind anymore. I am finally free...

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Comments (1)

  • Oh no that does sound bad

      1 month ago