- Beware those of you who enter the kingdom of the creamy pig!

Percy Pig Ice Cream - The Review

My month long search for this sweet treat has come to an end, and unsurprisingly I've written about it.

47w ago

Anyone who's new to my garrulous witterings might wonder why I'm getting all red in the face and juppity at purchasing some ice cream marketed at children. Well, to make sense of this, we must turn our attention to the past.

Like Moses upon finding manna in the desert, or should that be dessert in this case?

So some ice cream exists?

I joyously broke the news of this creations dawning here on FoodTribe and then set about trying to buy it. Which turns out to be harder than first thought, as a lot of other people also wanted some Percy Pig ice cream. What follows would be a series of increasingly peeved journeys to the nearby Marks and Sparks Food in a desperate bid to purchase some Percy. But no. Until today. I was off to the BnQ which shares the retail park with the MnS and a Fiat Chrysler dealership too. I needed some paint and primer, and once purchased (abiding by social distancing and wearing a homemade facemask I hasten to add) I swung by the MnS. I'd come prepared. I had a cool-bag with ice packs in it ready, waiting. I queued outside the store, the tension building, that knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach growing. Soon I was called forward to enter, like a child being invited in to Willy Wonka's paradise of confectionary, I was almost giddy with excitement. Or the heat of standing outside in the blazing heat with an old bedspread elastic-ed to my phizzog was getting to me. Nonetheless, I stepped in, took my trolley, it's handle cold and damp from the cleaning spray. I stepped through the blast of aircon and into the shop. But the wait wasn't yet over. I had to wait as the train of shoppers moved around the store, following the markings and keeping distance. As we weaved I could see the ice cream cabinets on the far wall, they grew closer with every pass until finally I drew alongside. I peered in, almost expecting there to be no pink ice-cream at all, my body braced for disappointment, but there sat 9 tubs, their pink hues, muted for the frost on the outside, but still legible on the top, writ large was PERCY PIG ICE CREAM. I had found the treasure I had sought. Like Moses upon finding manna in the desert (or should that be dessert in this case?) I felt like my prayers had been answered. I reached to the back and seized a tub, its physical form a cold relief in my hands. It wasn't a mirage. I now had a tub of this coveted cream in my grasp. I stuck it into the bag with the bricks, gathered the rest of my shop and strode proudly round to a checkout to confirm ownership. Payment made, I was now the official, legal guardian of a tub of Percy Pig ice-cream.

But what is it like?

Now imagine what sort of chaos you could unleash if you filled a 5 year old up with this?

Very light. It is well aerated and almost foamy in texture, like the body of a Percy Pig. A texture that is hammered home by having pig like chunks mixed in for good measure. It really is a case of "imagine a Percy Pig ice cream", so points to it on texture. The flavour isn't terrible either, it tastes like a Percy Pig, but not too much so. But it is very sweet, which makes me wonder why they encourage you top it with the sauce, which I shall refer to as pig juice for disgusting comedic effect from here onwards. The pig juice is the sweetest thing you will ever likely taste. You know how on squash and cordial it says "concentrated". Well apply that process to a load of Percys and liquefy to a fine goop. It tastes like Percy Pig, but in some weirdly sugar rush fuelled move of Spinal Tap derived madness, that flavour is turned up to 11. If it isn't apparent, I've consumed a great deal of it today and as such I'm writing this while on a sugar rush of hitherto unknown dimensions. I think it was the second portion in trying to see if it worked as a float that did me in. And for the record, yes, it does work as a float. But once again, that sauce isn't for the faint hearted. On its own, or with some fruit the ice cream would be nice. Heck, a scoop with some regular vanilla ice cream on some waffles or pancakes would be brilliant, but you don't want a lot of it. And here's the kicker. I'm a six foot man. And it's sending my system into a whirlwind, I think I can hear colours now? Now imagine what sort of chaos you could unleash if you filled a 5 year old up with this? Harness that energy and I reckon you could power a small town. It'd likely have the same destructive result as throwing a bouncy ball at pitching speed into a room full of bone china. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm coming down from my rush, so I would like to go and lay down with a cold compress on my fevered brow and a glass of water. I'll report back on if the taste of the sauce ever leaves my mouth.

Percy Pig Ice Cream

Percy Pig Sauce

Probably its best form, the float. Less intense.

Probably its best form, the float. Less intense.

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Comments (3)

  • I personally didn’t enjoy my taste of it

      9 months ago
  • Very entertaining review. Now, I want to know: how hard was your sugar crash?

      11 months ago