Pizza, salad and colliding worlds… Reviewing Goodfella’s Pizza Pockets
A look at the potentially devastating consequences when two contrasting foodstuffs collide.
During Lent it is compulsory to dream up at least 10,000 devilish habits to give up, most of which involve completely ridiculous and unachievable aims.
Usually included in the never-ending list is a commitment to avoid all unhealthy food forevermore, with survival being achieved only by chewing lumps of bark off trees.
But what would happen if the arch-enemies of fatty junk and angelic goodness combined? A disaster, probably; possibly even the end of time itself. The only way to find out was to launch an experiment involving pizza and salad.
You can get pizza and salad at Pizza Hut so, no, I have not gone completely mad. Only partially. My critically important and sensible test involved a small Goodfella’s microwavable pizza parcel and a bunch of homemade salad (comprising lettuce, beetroot, pepper, radish and cucumber – no saucier night of excitement if you happen to be a rabbit).
Jamie Oliver is not quaking in his boots.
Turning pizzas into slimy, greasy mush by warming them up in a radioactive box is, admittedly, unlikely to be a big hit on Saturday Kitchen, but convenience will eternally be the nemesis of style. In a revolutionary occurrence, Goodfella’s triple cheese sandwiches were beautifully transformed, resulting in magnificent lashings of cheese dripping over the sides like a waterfall of yellow exuberance.
The smooth cheese and fulsome tomatoes helped to make the rolled-over pizza into what was essentially a quick and tasty toastie.
As well as battling pizza guilt, the salad powered forward with a rainbow of illuminating flavours, allowing for the impression of wallowing in a picnic on a cloudless spring day (as opposed to the reality of a dark, wet evening in work consumed by the bizarre reality that picnics are illegal).
Now it has been concluded that healthy and sinful foods can have a successful relationship, perhaps global leaders should ditch their five-star glamour and focus their continuous peace talks around microwave pizzas and a few slices of beetroot.
Astronomers need to be significantly wary – can anyone else feel the ground shaking?
(I am aiming to write at least one food review a week throughout 2021 in support of The Trussell Trust, a UK charity that fights food poverty by supporting community food banks and campaigning for national change: justgiving.com/FoodWriting).
What food contrasts do you enjoy?