Policeman quits after week of fry-up thefts

The poaching rozzer received a roasting for his scrambled excuse.

1y ago

It says a great deal about the UK that one of the country’s most popular meals is a daily dose of fat, grease and dripping sauce.

A traditional British fry-up should contain nothing less than sausage, bacon, egg, beans, hash brown and toast. More comprehensive varieties could also include mushrooms, black pudding and tomato (although I’ve never understood the concept of sticking a tomato under a grill for five seconds and calling it cooked. It always makes it harder and more disgusting than before it went in).

It is no surprise, therefore, that the craving for a full English can often get the better of us (I’ve suffered many broken noses while jostling to get to the front of a café queue). This uncontrollable need to line arteries with stodge is even present in the upstanding members of Her Majesty’s constabulary.

A fry-up scandal recently rocked the Thames Valley Police force after it became apparent that a brand new officer with only seven days’ service had been pinching breakfasts from under the noses of the service’s top brass.

PC Jamie Larman was caught red-handed (from the ketchup, presumably) after confessing to a colleague that he hadn’t been paying for the grub, despite a force policy stating that he should have been. Over the course of his first week on the job, Larman pilfered seven fry-ups.

To compound his woes, it was unearthed that Larman had form for his light-fingered approach to food. In his previous role as a Police Community Support Officer (PCSO), it was found that he had nicked some treats before a training day (that evidently didn’t include any information about theft).

The dishonest constable took it upon himself to resign before he was sacked. Although he described his actions as a “mistake”, he received a grilling from his chief constable and has now been placed on a barring list – meaning that he cannot apply for a job in any police force in the UK.

If Larman hadn’t spilled the beans he may well have got away with it. Still, at least it has benefitted the force’s clear-up rate. It can only be assumed that if he hadn’t been sacked he would have failed the fitness tests anyway.

Your police food puns are encouraged in the comments…

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Comments (8)

  • A thorough investigation was completed by the Frying Squad. The officer’s excuse was that he’d been on the (brown) sauce.

      1 year ago
  • No need for hash browns, they're not British old chap. Must also include black pudding.

      1 year ago
  • No puns - I just need to make the point that beans should be replaced by extra black pudding. That's all.

      1 year ago
  • Come for the food related puns, stay for brutal tomato related honesty.

      1 year ago
  • Lol

      1 year ago