Review: SuperPretzel Pub Cheese Bites
How did they manage to mess this up sooooooooo badly?
I did a good part of my growing up right outside of Philly (Philadelphia, PA for those not in the know). Because of that upbringing I was exposed to some wonderfully diverse foods from that region. I'm talking about the Philly cheesesteaks, scrapple, water ice, Stromboli, and soft pretzels! I get the craving for all of these foods all of the time.
One food that cannot be replicated down here in Georgia is the Philly Soft Pretzel. That means when I get the craving, I'm stuck with frozen SuperPretzel products that, while nowhere near as good as a fresh Philly Soft Pretzel, are okay enough to satiate the craving.
I also like cheese. And I really like pub cheese; a cheddar and beer concoction that's great for dipping fries in or poured over an "Irish Shoe" (a type of sandwich). So imagine my delight, my absolute happy glee, when I found pretzels stuffed with pub cheese in the frozen case at my local grocery store! They went home with me. I was excited!
This rumpled bag has been in my freezer for a minute.
This all happened several months ago. And recently, because of all of the COVID-19 craziness going on, my wife and I have been digging through the freezers to see what has been left and forgotten in their dark depths, and what may still be good for consumption. My wife found the Pub Cheese Bites at the bottom of the freezer, and I could tell by her voice it was as if she had found some awesome little treasure. The memory of a great disappointment came flooding back at the sight of them. I blurted out, "Oh those. They taste like plastic."
But my wife threw some on a plate and into the microwave they went. I thought, "Maybe they've changed?". That was some unrealistic hopefulness on my part. Because they haven't changed. They are still awful.
Not too bad looking. But honestly, not awesome looking either.
When you first bite into one, you are welcomed by molten lava searing your mouth. That would be the cheese filling saying hi. But as it cools a little in your mouth, the pub cheese flavor starts coming through. It starts with a sharp cheddar flavor that borders on too sharp – almost unpleasantly sharp – but just not quite.
If the flavor stopped there, I would be fine with it and have nothing to write about! The next flavor, definitely from the pub cheese filling, is plastic. It's a chemical, plasticky, rubbery flavor that is horrible. I think it's supposed to be the flavoring component in the cheese filling that makes it 'pub cheese' and not just cheddar cheese. There is almost no pretzel flavor in these pretzel bites because the pub cheese abomination stomps on it until it's died an undignified and painful death.
Thank God for spicy brown mustard; at least these can be an acceptable vehicle to get spicy brown mustard into my face.
Again, not too bad looking. But not overly appealing either.
SuperPretzel Pub Cheese Bites. Failure. Miserable failure.
I'm bewildered because someone at the SuperPretzel test kitchen came up with this idea to stuff little bites of pretzel the awesome concoction we know as pub cheese, and then they turned out this mess. And then someone tasted it, and said, "Take that to market!". No! Did everyone in the test kitchen have a cold that day and no ability to taste food? Ughhhhh!
And yet, I find myself intrigued. SuperPretzel has other flavors! And for some dumb reason I want to try them!
What junk food concoction has left you shaking your head with abject dismay?