Roundup: cracking things to have on crackers
The top 10 toppings, and hummus
Some things are meant to go together. In the same way that you pull out a chair and then sit in it, you have a mop and a bucket, Wallace and Gromit, custard and apple pie, and Bing so you can search for Google, to name just a few examples.
Bread, meanwhile, is a very different story. My father-in-law empties the entire contents of the fridge into a sandwich and still manages to eat the resulting 16-storey building with a smile on his face. That’s mildly over the top, but the point is, you can have nearly any food item on bread.
And this brings us to crackers, which are basically just smaller and harder pieces of bread. It follows then, that you can have a lot more than just cheese with them.
1. Smoked cheese
You can have smoked cheese for starters. I’m of the opinion that nearly anything food-related can be made better by smoking it, and cheese is definitely no exception. There are plenty of different cheeses, from smoked to triple-smoked, depending on how much like a chimney you’d like your breath to smell afterwards.
2. French onion dip
One of the greatest things to come from France (or at least a French chef in Los Angeles) – and probably the most famous of the dips. You can make your own fairly easily with onions (obviously), cream cheese, sour cream, mayo, butter and a few spices – or even more easily, you can buy a ready-to-go tub from the grocery store.
3. Cocktail Frankurters and cheese
Don’t forget to cook them in a pot of boiling water first. It turns out microwaving them doesn’t work.
4. Pickled onion and cheese
A very English option for those after a different, tangier taste. Best enjoyed in moderation.
5. Grapes and cream cheese
Simply smear a cracker with cream cheese and plop a grape on top. Best consumed in one bite, so you don’t shoot the person opposite with grape juice.
6. Sardines in tomato sauce and cheese
Sardines can be bought from the store in small tins, and simply cut up into smaller, bite-size chunks. The sauce is already there.
7. Smoked oysters in oil
Probably not to everyone’s taste, but it's our first option without cheese ( and that isn’t a dip) – for those seeking a little extra class. That said, they can be had just as well with cheese too. You’ll find these next to the sardines in the store.
8. Tuna and cucumber
Yes, more fish. Mix a tin of tuna chunks with one or two tablespoons of mayo, half a teaspoon of curry powder and one tablespoon of vinegar – although according to my wife, all of that is to taste and she has no idea what the actual best measurements are. So once you’re satisfied with it, serve with sliced cucumber.
9. Chicken and salsa
Peel and chop four tomatoes, finely chop half a red onion and a small garlic clove, then add small splashes of white wine vinegar and lemon juice. This is the salsa. Or you can do what I would do and buy it from the store in a jar. Combine with thin slices of chicken to make the perfect, easy light lunch.
10. Ham and apple sauce
Okay, this one is from the top of my head, but in theory, it should be delicious. After all, what could possibly go wrong with apple sauce?
Bonus 11. Hummus
If you must.