Security camera captures theft of chip by woman who “didn’t want any”
50 per cent of population damned in two-second clip
Leading men’s support groups have responded angrily to footage of a chip being pilfered from a chap’s breakfast.
In the video, recorded by an overhead security camera installed to protect the owner’s food and favourite pencils, a hand clearly belonging to a woman can be seen taking a whole chip. The woman in question was earlier heard to say, emphatically, that she didn’t want any chips when openly offered some before portions were measured out.
’This is bloody typical,’ said a spokesperson for the male refuge centre Halfords. ‘Portions and proportion are vitally important in assembling breakfast. If this man had known a chip was wanted by a woman, he’d have cooked an extra one. As it is, the whole plate is ruined.’
‘I’m afraid we’re seeing more and more of this sort of thing,’ said the chairman of the pressure group Men Aren’t Angry We Just Wish You’d Stop This Diet Bollocks And Admit You Want A Takeaway. ‘Only the other day we had a distraught man here who'd ordered a Chinese just for himself, because his wife didn’t want any. He’d barely started eating it when a fork appeared over his shoulder being wobbled around in a supposedly comedic fashion, as if that made it OK. She took several mouthfuls of chow mein. The poor bloke’s absolutely in bits. And starving.’
A representative of the British Association of Tragic Cafes said, ‘This is exactly why our establishments are full of wild-eyed men hunched over huge plates of food. It’s the only way they can eat an entire meal in safety. Imagine if we allowed women in. We wouldn’t have a clue how much of anything to cook.’
WARNING: SOME READERS MAY FIND THE FOLLOWING VIDEO UPSETTING.