Stop Everything (Except the American Food Industry)
Even, and perhaps because of, these desperate times, fast food innovation still roars
I haven't had a cheerful thought in weeks. Not sure many of us have. Seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger chilling out with his donkey in his dining room was as close to a pleasant thought as I've had.
Marketing campaigns, such as the introduction of a new item in a multinational fast food chain, take months to form. So it isn't as if someone at McDonald's woke up 5 days ago and thought "Well, the world is going to hell. Let's introduce a new burger to take peoples' mind off of dying". A company CAN, on the other hand, kill a campaign dead in a matter of minutes. So when you consider some of the new items being rolled out in the past week, they didn't have COVID-19 in mind when they created them, but certainly they did not believe that the virus should deter us from fast food bigness. In fact, perhaps in spite of looming death, our fast food overlords intend to impress on us all that Fat always prevails. At least here, in 'Murrica.
Let's look at a few items that have come out in the past week:
6.4 ounces of Mac Bigness.
The Double Big Mac
You may recall that this dovetails nicely with how I think McDonald's ought to operate. Rather than creating another recipe for another sandwich nobody is going to know about or buy, just bump up one of the ones you have already! A few years back they tried making a bigger Big Mac, only instead of simply stacking two existing (1.6 oz) patties together on each strata, they commissioned the introduction of a whole new size (1/3 lb, 5.3 oz) patty solely for this purpose. Doesn't seem like a big deal except you need to consider the factory retooling as well as alternate cooking instructions for the new size patty. This, simple, disgusting, wonderful 4-patty monster, is available right now for a limited time. They also have a Mac Jr. which is a one-level Big Mac, but who cares?
three flavors for the price of....1 and a half!
The Triple Mini-Chalupa
Hell yeah, Taco Bell has some skin in the game! Nine inches of oddly puffy shell filled with their 100% ground beef (/s) and three distinct toppings that all taste pretty much the same. But when new items are offered at their promotional price, at least in my area, it is typically a better deal to buy them rather than, say, 2 regular chalupas. ¡Larga vida al taco!
if the pizza doesn't kill you, the sauce may finish the job
The Big Dipper Pizza
What's 25 inches long and melts in your mouth? Well, honestly nothing, but regardless of your fondness level for Pizza Hut, the 'beloved' Big Dipper is back in the house! Well, your house, because you can't go sit in a Pizza Hut at this point, to rip into the 24 individual 'slices' and dunk them into the four 'epic' dipping sauces including Honey BBQ. Not to go too far off of the path here, but the Pizza Hut Honey BBQ sauce? Totally would not be out of place at Aaron Franklin's barbecue complex in Austin, Texas. It's piquant smokiness nicely compliments the World's best brisket and hot links.
I'm sorry, that was sarcastic, as opposed to my usual mien. Huh?