- My tinned goods don't share a shelf with my books, but it does make for a nice photo spot

Travels in Tinned Food: Corned Beef

Princes Corned Beef. All traditional and hidden under tin and key

25w ago

8.9K

Still working through my tinned food collection in a bid to educate people/ward them off of buying/encourage them to buy. And this time it's the turn of corned beef, made with 100% beef. Apparently.

How it works

Well, unlike normal tinned food, for some reason you need to unlock corned beef before you can use it. It's kept under a lock and key.

Pay no attention to Producer Ian on my wallpaper. For the record, although no one asked, he's riding a 1929 Scott Squirrel at Shuttleworth in the sprint event back in October. Such fun

Pay no attention to Producer Ian on my wallpaper. For the record, although no one asked, he's riding a 1929 Scott Squirrel at Shuttleworth in the sprint event back in October. Such fun

That there is the key. It's held onto the bottom of the tin by a blob of glue. You have to piggle it off the bottom and find the secret tab to unlock the tin. At this point making lunch becomes a bit more like an Indiana Jones film than it really should, but it spices up lockdown so one cannot complain.

Overlooking the A6464, Woodside Road. The stunner of a view

Overlooking the A6464, Woodside Road. The stunner of a view

Once you've found the little bit of razor sharp metal you then have to jam your finger into it and pry it up, then slot the key over it and twist. Hopefully in the right direction and to not snap the tab off; otherwise, keep twirling away.

And then you have this left over. A small coil of razor sharp metal on a little stick

And then you have this left over. A small coil of razor sharp metal on a little stick

Eventually you've worked your way around to where you started and the key and sashimi-knife-sharp metal snaps free (and if you're not careful, will slice the meaty bit of hand at the bottom of your thumb). Once you've stopped the bleeding you can lift the top of the tin off and you get a sort of meaty lollipop.

It looks like cement

It looks like cement

And there we go. We're in.

So? What's it like Jesse?

Beef lite. Some of that beefy flavour, with not many of the beefy calories. And none of the beefy texture. It's like someone has managed to dehydrate top side beef and then mixed it with sharp sand, a bit of lard and left it to set. It's somehow meaty and crumbly at the same time. Greasy and dry. It's completely antipodal as a foodstuff. Serving suggestion: in a sandwich, top with pickle, tomato sauce or brown sauce.

It's ten past eleven at night and I'm struggling to find a novel way of describing corned beef

It's ten past eleven at night and I'm struggling to find a novel way of describing corned beef

Would you buy it again?

Yeah. I regularly buy corned beef, either tinned or ready sliced. And you can get better than the tinned ones so it's not half bad. And with pickle on a hardy white bread it's a staple of the Great British Picnic.

What other tinned food should I buy?

Chinese Spam, Tinned Ham, Fray Bentos Pie, and the worst chilli con carne... in the world.

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