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- Who would have thought that a dingis and a wine bottle had so much in common?! Images courtesy of Tipsy Brands.

Um, Napa winery releases fizzy rosé in penis-shaped bottles

If you don't have enough phallic things in your life, it might be time to get a tallywhacker-shaped bottle of wine.

MT Blake posted in Drinks
4w ago
5.2K

I've always wondered how inventions occur. In 'Back to the Future,' Doc Brown slips off a toilet, hits his head, and in that moment of discombobulation, he invents time travel. In the real world, the sandwich was invented by a British noble who didn't want to get his hands dirty while eating and gambling at the same time. Whereas the penis-shaped wine bottle was invented after many, many ordinary bottles of wine were consumed one late night--no matter what the inventors say, this idea was not concocted sober.

All images courtesy of Tipsy Brands.

All images courtesy of Tipsy Brands.

This beef whistle shaped bottle was invented--and is currently for sale--by 'Just the Tipsy.' The true story of its invention is more conventional with a large bit of follow-through. According to their site: "How did we come up with this idea? Well, we were a couple of dads at a park, watching our kids on the playground, talking about the ridiculous number of bachelorette parties our wives had attended, and the incredible amount of penis tattoos, penis cups, penis straws, penis everything that was involved. That’s when the words that would change our lives were spoken: “What if the champagne bottles were shaped like a penis??”"

All images courtesy of Tipsy Brands.

All images courtesy of Tipsy Brands.

If I had to guess, of course, it was a couple of guys who created the first pecker shaped bottle! The 'Tipsy' story goes on to talk about how they needed to perfect the perfect lap rocket as there might be more science than art needed to produce a consumer-grade bottle. Naturally, after crafting the perfect ding-a-ling bottle, no one wanted to touch such a large love shaft full of rose wine.

I'd imagine this is one way to prevent a large segment of friends and family from drinking right out of the bottle. Putting this trouser monkey shaped bottle up to your lips is the next closest thing to performing fellatio for all to see. But that's exactly the point. Bachelorette parties are notorious for the sheer amount of one-eyed willie shaped items (candies, cake toppings, utensils, and depictions on all flat surfaces).

But hey, maybe the blackmail quality photographs of you chugging on a tonsil tickler shaped bottle will be worth it? It happens to be full of 12.5% ABV Rosé of Syrah. And if you feel like you need to get some Just the Tipsy Bubbly Rosé, it can be had for $33.30 (£24.27) at www.tipsybrand.com. Just be ready to receive a very large 'package' in the mail.

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Comments (14)

  • Seems a wee bit more vulgar than necessary, lol.

      1 month ago
  • Gah

      1 month ago
    • I ordered you one. The customs officers are in for a treat.

        1 month ago
    • Serves them right for DELAYING ALL MY STUFF

        1 month ago
  • So many colorful synonyms... but not something I would buy, either!

      1 month ago
    • It’s more of a gift. You don’t need it, someone you know does!

        1 month ago
    • Nobody I know needs this! 😂

        1 month ago
  • 😐 bad taste. By the promotion pictures it seems their inspiration was bachelorette party ...

      1 month ago
  • To paraphrase James May, Oh cork

      29 days ago
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