Walkers breaks record for world's longest Wotsit

Doctor Frankenstein is well known for the monster that he created; however, no work of fact or fiction will ever again come close to the astonishing feat achieved by the master performers at Walkers Crisps.

Not content with the daily grind of simply churning out endless bundles of curled, cheesy Wotsits, the crew at Walkers decided that a larger challenge was needed to keep their brains bulging. So, in light of the constant media coverage of metres, what better battle could there be than to try and make the world’s longest cheese puff?

Towering above all else known to man (except Jeremy Clarkson, obviously) and pushing the boundaries of science to their absolute limits, the final result was a gargantuan 10-metre Wotsit (if you are really keen on social distancing, munch through one of those festivals of orange to ensure no one ever approaches you again).

Witnessed by a very important official, the herculean effort was prestigiously entered into the Guinness Book of Records as the confirmed longest Wotsit in history. The certificate presented to Walkers declared: “The longest Puffcorn was achieved by Wotsits Giants… in Leicester, UK, on 27 August 2020”. The pressure of having to keep that revelation under wraps must have been agonising.

A behind-the-scenes video revealed that months of deliberation were required before the genius scheme could be put into effect. Starting off with a one metre sample, the team of hardworking champions stretched their treasured creation (which they lovingly named Wotzilla) longer and longer until the record was achieved.

However, something that has not been confirmed is whether or not the Walkers employees have to always wear Wotsit-themed face masks, or if the coverings are scented with the delicious smell of cheesy crisps.

Thanks to this major triumph, expect plumes of Quavers and razor-edged Squares to receive fanfare publication in the coming weeks.